There was one of a game
{? Odds scale ?} Amsterdam,
The cards are down;
He thought he was better than you,
And the day after school,
You'd go around there to play him,
Hoping to compete for some kind championship,
And it always took about 15 billion hours to set the track up.
And even when you did, the thing never seemed to work.

It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.
It was a dodgy transformer, again and again.
It was a dodgy blue mass, again and again.
It was a dodgy transformer, cost 3 pounds 10.

So he sent his doting mother
Up the stairs with the stepladder,
To get the {? Sub-u-dome ?}
Out of the loft.
It had all the accessories
Required for that big-match atmosphere.
The crowd and the dugout,
And the floodlights, too.
And you'd always get palmed off
With a headless center-forward,
And a goal-kicker with no arms,
And a face like his.
And he'd managed to get hold of
A Dukla-Prague Away Kit,
His uncle owned a sport shop
And he'd kept it to one side.
And after only five minutes
You'd be down to ten men,
And then he said he'd be right back
While taking the base from under his left-wing.
Come to half-time, you were losing, four-nil.
Each and every goal, {? are partly because of some os his ?} stupid penalties.
So you smash up the floodlights
And the game was abandoned,
And the bog would bark
And you'd be banned from his house.
And your travelling army
Of synthetic supporters
Would be taken away from you
And thrown in the bin.

And now he's working
In a job with a future.
He hands me my Gyro              (as in gyroscope, not "hero")
Every two weeks.
And me, I'm on the lookout
For a proper transformer.

Uh?!

1. Half Man Half Biscuit - (live!)
2. Half Man Half Biscuit - 1966 And All That
3. Half Man Half Biscuit - All I Want For Christmas Is A Dukla-prague Away Kit
4. Half Man Half Biscuit - Arthur's Farm
5. Half Man Half Biscuit - D'you Ken Ted Mould
6. Half Man Half Biscuit - Dickie Davis Eyes
7. Half Man Half Biscuit - For What Is Chatteris
8. Half Man Half Biscuit - I Hate Nerys Hughes
9. Half Man Half Biscuit - I Was A Teenage Armchair Hon Ved Fan
10. Half Man Half Biscuit - Keeping Two Chevrons Apart
11. Half Man Half Biscuit - Paintballs Coming Home
12. Half Man Half Biscuit - Reasons to Be Miserable
13. Half Man Half Biscuit - Rod Hull Is Alive, Why?
14. Half Man Half Biscuit - The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman
15. Half Man Half Biscuit - The Best Things In Life
16. Half Man Half Biscuit - The Light At The End Of The Tunnel (Is The Light O
17. Half Man Half Biscuit - The Referees Alphabet
18. Half Man Half Biscuit - Trumpton Riots
19. Half Man Half Biscuit - Vatican Broadside
20. Half Man Half Biscuit - When The Evening Sun Goes Down